Montes' Discovery
by JGT-298
Summary: Montes finds himself reading something he shouldn't. Soon, the literary shenanigans reach Matkovic; then Blackburn; then Campo... WARNING: THIS FIC IS MADE OF PURE CRACK!


_**I hope you guys enjoy this.**_

_**NOTE: I do NOT want to see comments bashing Call of Duty. I happen to like both, so please! Now, on with the show.**_

_**Montes' Discovery.**_

* * *

It was Montes' turn on the computer that night. All the others were someplace else; Campo was getting briefed by Cole, Blackburn was helping Cpl. Sanchez fix one of the Humvees that just broke down., and Matkovic was watching _"13 Assassins"_ along with the others in their company. Oh, and they're still in the Middle East.

After skimming CNN for reports on the earthquake that ended "Swordbreaker" just a few months ago, Montes suddenly found himself looking at a site called " ". 'Sounds familiar..." he thought 'I'd better check it out!'. A few mouse clicks was all he needed to reach the "Games" section. Soon enough, he was looking at a list detailing every game he holds his interest in, from "Command and Conquer" to "Starcraft".

He eventually reached the "Call of Duty" section.

"Sweet..." he mumbled. His eyes sifted through the selection of stories the franchise's fans have written. He even laughed at a few. But then he came across something new to him...

"Slash? Between Soap and Makarov? Maybe it's a bloody fanfic! Ooh, this I gotta see!"

*Click*

Montes read through the first few sentences; so far, so good, it seems. Then he finished the second paragraph. "Okay, Soap kissing _MW3_'s bad guy is bit weird for me..." Then he finished the fourth...

...Then the fifth...

"Oh, God!"

...Then the sixth...

"No!"

* * *

Matkovic finished his movie and went into the tent where Montes is, but before he could lay another foot inside...

*BONK*

"Montes, what the hell?" Montes turned back at him. "Matkovic, it's YOUR turn now. I gotta get myself some Brain Bleach!" "Montes, what-" Montes darted away from the tent and yelled "GO SEE FOR YOURSELF!" This left Matkovic with a flabbergasted expression. He turned to the computer his squadmate left behind and approached it. Bending over, he eyed what made his friend...er, outraged...

"Slash? Heh, Dave should've known better."

Matkovic sat down and navigated the page _away_ from the current one. He seemed to have saw it fit to go to the "PowerPuff Girls" category, where he read some very hilarious ones. That was then he saw a fic rated "M". The Marine knew what it meant, but curiosity got the best of him. For all his training and experience in life-or-death combat situations, he was unprepared for what he was about to see...

* * *

Blackburn had just finished helping Cpl. Sanchez with this vehicle problem. With a coffee mug on one hand and a desire to "vigorously enjoy" a magazine the Corporal let him borrow, he went to the tent where PFC. Matkovic was hiding. But instead of seeing him on the computer, he saw him sitting on the ground, shaking.

"Matkovic? What happened, man? You saw a screamer or something?"

"Fanfic...Mojo-Jojo...PowerP-Puff G-g-Girls..._**Rape!**_" Matkovic buried his face into his hands.

"Wait, so you're telling me that you read a fanfic where this "Mojo" guy rapes the PowerPuff Girls?" Blackburn calmly tried to explain. Matkovic nodded in confirmation. The Sergeant sighed, "Come on, buddy," he says "let's get you to bed, how's that?" Pulling his friend up, Black escorted his friend back to his quarters. Minutes later, the man who evaded the PLR back in Kurdistan came back to where Matkovic found this "fanfic".

There were two tabs: one with the fic that made Montes sick, and the one that made Matkovic sick. 'I don't really see anything wrong about the first one,' he says about Montes' pet peeve 'it's just the product of someone's imagination.' Then he saw the second one and thought 'Man, this is sick!" while wincing. 'Still, there oughta' be something worse...'

He put the cursor to the Google search bar to the top right corner of the browser and typed "Worst fanfics ever", and hit "Enter".

What Blackburn saw were lists containing the absolute worsts the netizens have voted for, as well as links to Yahoo!Answers pages. Black, not one to trust Yahoo! Answers on this, clicked the lists instead. He decided it would be great to start with the one at the bottom of the list.

He didn't last one paragraph...

* * *

Campo came into the tent to see Blackburn facing away from the computer screen and staring blankly at the dirt below. "Black?" he asks with a hint of worry "You okay?"

Blackburn shook his head. "No..." he muttered.

Getting down on one knee, Campo looked at him in the eye and asked again "What happened?" "A fanfiction about Goku..." his fellow Sergeant answered in a monotonous tone "...he-he travelled back in time...to save...to save Anne Frank." He rubbed his forehead as he painfully tried to remember "It's...it's so fuckin' wrong, Steve. Go read it for yourself..."

Steve Campo got up approached the computer in a careful manner and read the tale. "Jesus..." he mumbled "...I could understand _why_ the author wrote this, but seriously? _Anne Frank_?" Then, he noticed Matkovic and Montes standing outside. Campo took a deep breath and began to speak.

"Men, I'm guessing you all were shaken up by what you've read. I'm going to tell you this: What you've read tonight was the product of people's imagination. You shouldn't go on hating what makes other people happy. Yeah, they may like the idea of people saving historical figures who met rather gruesome ends; or they may like two men screwing each other like crazy; the point is: _**"If you don't like it, don't read!"**_ It's that simple, gentlemen."

Blackburn, Montes, and Matkovic all shot glances toward one another before nodding in agreement to what Campo said. Soon, Blackburn started clapping; slowly first, but then grew faster and faster. The two PFC's followed suit. Campo beamed proudly, before opening his mouth to ask them all:

"Any questions?"

Montes raised his hand, "Umm, yeah. Regarding what you said, does that mean we don't read the Field Manuals if we choose not to?"

Campo's expression turned into an exasperated glare. "Go to bed, Montes." he ordered.

Blackburn chuckled "Come on," he said "let's get some sleep..."

"Yeah, sure!"

"Okay..."

Once his squad left, Campo looked at the tab Blackburn used to find the fanfiction. He saw a name that piqued his interest. Sitting down and finishing off Blackburn's now-cold coffee, he started to read the story he picked out from all the rest. "I wonder if this is as bad as people say..." he said to himself.

The title of the story? **Fucking "My Immortal"...**

* * *

_**I sure hope I got their attitudes right here. Also please do NOT get offended by any of the stuff here. I also do NOT own Battlefield 3; EA does and will remain so 'till EA gives it up. Thank you & good day!**_


End file.
